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If You Answer 'Yes' to Any of These 5 Questions, You Could Be in a Narcissistic Relationship, Says a Psychologist
If You Answer 'Yes' to Any of These 5 Questions, You Could Be in a Narcissistic Relationship, Says a Psychologist originally appeared on Parade.
In books and movies, relationships are often portrayed as dreamy, passionate and picture-perfect—full of sweeping romance and flawless communication. But in reality, even the strongest relationships face challenges, missteps and moments of doubt. After all, that's part of being human. Still, if you find yourself repeatedly feeling confused, diminished or emotionally drained, you might start to wonder if it's more than just a rough patch. If you're trying to figure out whether your partner might be a narcissist, there are some key red flags you can watch out for and if you answer 'yes' to any of these five questions, it could help you figure out if you could be in a narcissistic relationship.
To help provide more insight to each question, we spoke with (AKA Dr. Z) of The Z Group Private Practice and author of Find Your Calm. She does a deep dive into each question and explains why it can be a warning sign that you're dating someone who could be a narcissist. However, she notes that even if you answer "yes" to every single question below, the only way you can be 100% sure is if your partner is diagnosed by a professional.
Keep reading to gain a deeper understanding of what narcissism really is, how it can show up in relationships, and the common behaviors narcissists tend to exhibit with their partners. That way, if you notice a pattern in your answers to the following questions, you'll be better equipped to recognize what's really going on—and start thinking about what's best for your emotional well-being so you can make
What Is a Narcissist?
If you've heard the word "narcissist" before but you're not sure exactly what it means, Dr. Z tells Parade, "Someone who is a narcissist if they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They aren't just someone who is just selfish, self-centered or occasionally difficult."She continues, "A narcissist has a maladaptive interpersonal style across all domains of their life including their relationships. While they may present as kind, loving and charming in pubic, this façade can crack behind closed doors, especially with those closest to them. A narcissist's primary aim is to obtain power, control and dominance over those around them by whatever means necessary, even if their actions cause harm. They feel entitled to have their needs met and will manipulate others to get these needs met, without empathy or accountability for the hurt they've caused others."
Though, Dr. Z reveals if you're dating someone who is a narcissist, you may not realize it when you initially meet them. "It's possible that someone in a relationship with a narcissist might not knowthey have a partner who is a narcissist at first," she states. "In the early stages of dating someone with NPD, it is extremely rare that they would be able to identify they are dating a narcissist at that stage in the relationship. This is why education about the red flags of love bombing are so important to be able to help you."Related:
If You Answer 'Yes' to Any of These 5 Questions, You Could Be in a Narcissistic Relationship
1. Do You Usually Feel Like You're Walking on Eggshells To Avoid Upsetting Your Partner?
This constant state of tension isn't normal—it's emotionally exhausting and can wear down your sense of self over time. It often signals that you're in a relationship where you're being conditioned to fear conflict, rather than feel safe expressing your needs."Walking on eggshells is a control tactic by a narcissist in a relationship," Dr. Z explains. "The intermittent nature of narcissistic abuse (never knowing when/how/why the abuse will occur) leads the other person in the relationship to be overly vigilant of the narcissists behaviors, tone and mood. By keeping their partner on constant high alert, they gain increasingly more control and access to the persons thoughts, emotions and behaviors."Related: 35 Phrases to Disarm a Narcissist
2. Does Your Partner Disregard Your Need to Cancel Plans Because You're Sick?
Usually when you're dating someone, if one of you feels ill and has to cancel a date night, the other person understands and shows empathy by saying you can make plans once you're feeling better. But Dr. Z says a narcissist won't do that. Instead, she warns they will often make you feel guilty for it—turning the situation around to focus on how you ruined their plans or disappointed them, rather than caring about your wellbeing. It's less about empathy and more about control."They will minimize your request to cancel and make you feel guilty by saying something like, 'Oh come on you're not that sick. I was so excited to see you.'"She adds that they will usually then react in one of two ways after you continue to say you aren't able to meet them. "They will either cut off contact completely with you, or they will react selfishly by showing up to your home with soup and a movie, unannounced, despite knowing you aren't feeling good and wanted to be home alone. All of these responses demonstrate a clear lack of boundaries and disregard for your needs."Related:
3. Did They Aggressively Try To Make Future Plans With You Soon After Meeting?
While this may sound like something out of a fairytale and mimic some romantic comedies, Dr. Z says in reality, that isn't a normal behavior of love and can actually be a sign that who you're with is a narcissist."Obviously, there are some relationships that move quickly and are not unhealthy," she states. "However, the majority of relationships where a person is suggesting moving in, getting engaged and having children prematurely in a new relationship is a red flag."
She continues explaining, adding, "Narcissists make you feel safe, vulnerable and trusting of them. They convince you that, with them, you will be safe. And because of this 'crazy' connection the two of you appear to have, these future promises sound very appealing."
However, she says this tactic is known as love bombing."Their love bombing not only makes a person feel unbelievably special and loved, but it blinds them to the potential dangers these extreme dating behaviors carry," Dr. Z
4. Does Their Personality Change When You Do Something They Have No Control Over?
Dr. Z points out that if your partner acts extremely charming in public but then when you do something that they can't have any control of, they disappear or change their entire personality, this could be a sign you should look out for."Narcissist's crave control and dominance over others. They also perceive even the slightest bit of criticism as an attack on their entire sense of self," Dr. Z says. "For example, going out with your girlfriends on a Saturday afternoon—something a narcissist would have no control over—would be triggering for them."She tells Parade that as a result, they would act out. "To regain power and control in this context, they may suddenly cease all communication with you, start an argument over something unrelated or claim to need you for an emergency of sorts. The purpose of of these behaviors is the same—to gain access to, and control over, your thoughts and emotions through guilt, shame and confusion."Related:
5. Does Your Partner Rarely Take Responsibility for Their Mistakes and Instead Blames Others?
In healthy relationships, both partners are able to own up to their mistakes and work through conflicts together. But in a narcissistic relationship, accountability is often one-sided—and it's usually not theirs. Instead of taking responsibility, they twist the narrative to make you feel like the problem."One of the hallmark behaviors of a narcissist is lack of accountability for their behaviors and the impact their behaviors have on others," Dr. Z shares. "They don't see (or care) about the wrong in their behaviors. Because of this, they deflect blame onto others, which often puts the person on the defensive and purposely steers the conversation away from the real issue at hand."
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Dr. Jaime Zuckerman (AKA Dr. Z) of The Z Group Private Practice and author of Find Your Calm
If You Answer 'Yes' to Any of These 5 Questions, You Could Be in a Narcissistic Relationship, Says a Psychologist first appeared on Parade on Aug 14, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Aug 14, 2025, where it first appeared.
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